There’s a certain intangible something that allows people to fall in love, and oftentimes a certain intangible something that makes it all end. However, love, like life, the universe and everything, can apparently be molded into a handy graph like the one above. Oooo that Sentimental Equilibrium really got me.
This is the work of a Spanish mathematician named Jose-Manuel Rey. PhysOrg explains:
Breakup mechanics. The model produces a plausible scenario, through a sequence of effort inattentions, for the deterioration of a relationship in a gradual form, which seems to be typical according to data. Because of the effort gap, there is a tendency to lower the right effort level. Then the intrinsic instability of sentimental dynamics obeying the second law causes the piecewise decaying trajectories to move further and further away from the target trajectory and eventually to cross the threshold level xmin. This is considered a point of pre-rupture, since it is a matter of time before effort is abandoned.
I’m not sure exactly what all the symbols mean, I can barely add, much less do math with letters. But what I think it’s saying is that once it’s gone it’s gone, and it’s too much effort to get it back. Seriously, do we need math for that? I would love to hear what Jose-Manuel Rey’s exes have to say.
It is my belief that the best way to get over someone is to–at least temporarily–cut all ties. This is something I’ve been harping on since I started this blog (i.e. here and here. Thankfully there’s someone else who agrees! And a dude, no less. I am validated, at least in my own mind. At least for today! This list of do’s and don’ts comes courtesy of our pal, Nick.
Nick, I’m sorry about your loss, but it sounds like you know what to do. Ironic that this comes from a site called Spreadinghappiness.org, but in a way it makes sense, too.
Some movies are great to have on when you’re cleaning the house. (2001; any of the Lord of the Rings) Some movies are great for different holidays (Friday the 13th; White Christmas). Some are great just for a laugh (Love Story).
There have been plenty Top 5, 10, 15, 20 lists of movies to watch after a breakup. But this list is just as important. So here are the Top 5 movies NOT to watch after a breakup:
Here’s a poem from the male perspective, courtesy of Reformerus_Gianticus at the Hoboken Journal—a great local website for the mile square city.
Boo hoo! I used to love you,
you broke up and now we’re through.
My recipes they are quite a few,
I’m warm my heart with some hearty beef stew.
It’s hard for men to express their emotions,
easier to use sea salt from the oceans.
And while we are on the topic of salt,
I wonder why she broke with me was all my fault.
I’ll cook and cook and then I will eat,
did she dump me for my smelly feet?
Taste my award winning chili which can’t be beat,
You’ll be in for one hell of a tasty treat.
Now I should not wallow in self pity,
there are 17,000 restaurants in New York City,
Should I stay at home and read a book?
Or break out a recipe and continue to cook?
I’ll chop those veggies and clench my fist,
use that kitchen knife to slit my wrist (just kidding),
my true love will surely be missed,
but she ran off with the boss in an office tryst.
Perhaps I will extend this poem at a later date,
for now I’m off to a happy hour to recreate!
There’s no part of a breakup more rewarding and agonizing than the no-contact thing. For those of you who don’t know (I didn’t), it’s when you cut off all contact with your ex for a designated period of time. No emails, no “sorry, my butt must’ve dialed you” phone calls, no “accidental” appearances near his home. (“I know I live 40 blocks away, but your farmer’s market is the only one with venison sausage.” Ok, never mind, that’s a pretty airtight excuse in NYC.)
My ex and I had been together for almost seven years, and for the first few months after we broke up, all I could do was sit on my hands and stare at the TV. (And listen to songs that didn’t remind me of him – like Gil Scot-Heron’s “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.”) But ironically one of the things that kept me going was the possibility that if I kept my distance, he would so desperately miss me that he’d show up at my door full of apologies and roses. Or even better, with a singing telegram. (NB I LOVE singing telegrams.) It worked for my mom with my step-dad. And, come to think of it, with my mom and dad. Well, apparently my path is a little different! Though the fantasy didn’t play out as I imagined, what did happen was that by staying the course – whatever my reasons for doing it – I was able to take back a lot of the dignity I had given away, especially in the rotten final months of our togetherness. I came to grips with the ending a lot quicker than if I’d kept myself tied to him – however tenuously – and rebuilt a life that has ultimately been far more fulfilling.
Not to say it was easy – one day I was so sad that I was afraid I’d never snap out of it. But it passed, and from that point on it got easier. Kind of like a fever breaking. So when you’re about to snap, call your friends, your mom, your priest, make some comfort food … do anything else until the spell is broken. A few hours later when sanity resumes, you’ll be glad you did. And I promise, the roller coaster won’t last forever.
So sit on your hands – that’s my breakup tip for today.
Breakup Gifts
What to get the girlfriend who has just ended a relationship? Take it from those who have been there—a little TLC from your friends goes a long way in that fragile time right after a breakup. While just being there and listening is often enough, sometimes something extra is needed. A care package is especially nice if you’re not close enough to offer comfort over coffee or cocktails.
* Girlfriend Grams have a number of great options like a Breakup Gram. Complete with exfoliant to wash him out of her life, extreme Chocolate Therapy and Expunging Candle to expel evil Ex odors
* Looking for a little warmth? Burn a DVD of Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project. Nothing will out things in persepctive quicker than Borscht Belt humor.
As another year comes to an end, we’ve been thinking a lot about time. Whether you use a traditional kitchen timer or a fancy iphone app, it’s easy to tell when an egg is hard-boiled, pasta is al dente, and the brownies are ready. But relationships are a little more unpredictable than the science of cooking. How long does it take to get over an ex-boyfriend? It can be hard to tell—if we could make an app for that, we would be rich! Some of the many factors involved are the intensity of the relationship, how long you were together, and how intertwined your lives were (same friends, living situation, etc.). Get a move on your moving on with some of our tasty Breakup Cookbook recipes to cook up your confidence.
If only gazing into the future was as easy as simple math, here are just some of the funny formulas we’ve seen to figure how long it will take before you are ready to move on:
(# of days you were dating / 3) + (# times you made out) + (# times you had sex * 10)
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(# of people he cheated on you with)
How long do you think it takes to get over someone?
Welcome to The Breakup Cookbook, where we practice catharsis through cooking.
Through years of experience, we’ve learned the best way to get over a breakup doesn’t involve 2 a.m. phone calls or checking your email for a message from “him.” The secret is to create something that will help you feel better, like a deep dish of mac ‘n’ cheese along with an apple martini, topped off with a decadent piece of chocolate cheesecake. Also, we’ll have relationship advice from those who have been there, done that and baked the cake.
We believe there’s no better way to answer the question of “Did he really love me?” than to find the tools to help you move on. Then everyone will get a good night’s sleep. Or, in other words, eat a slice of cheesecake and you’ll feel better for a minute; learn how to make cheesecake and you’re ready for whatever comes your way.
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